Whiskey Lullaby
by little miss moonlight
Summary: Song fic. What happens when it seems like love just isn't enough to live for? Does love transcend death? DMxHS Warning: suicide.


Disclaimer: I don't own either Gundam Wing nor the song Whiskey Lullaby.

It had been two years since the incident with the Barton foundation, since they had destroyed their gundams....so, damn it, why the hell was he getting an urgent message from Une asking him to come down to Preventer's Headquarters for a emergancy meeting? Duo sighed and rubbed his five o'clock shadowed chin. Hilde wouldn't be happy with his leaving, not when they were so close to having the baby. Turning around in his swivel chair, he reached in the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a picture of a sonogram. Half smiling, he put it away again and got up to stretch his tall frame.

He yawned, tired as hell from being at the scrap yard for ten hours with a small mound of paper work that was still leering at him from the corner of his desk. It as hard at first, when he insisted that Hilde step down temporarily as book keeper of their mechanic shop for the duration of the pregancy, but he was finally starting to get the swing of things. Get up from his bed, with his girlfriend sleeping like an angel next to him, then, take a shower only to come out and have the entire small house smelling like bacon and eggs. After dressing, he would go downstairs and see his little blue-eyed nymph scrambling up some breakfast while he would plop down and read the paper. After eating breakfast and kissing the chef, he would walk the mile to their shop, where he would spend the rest of the day digging up parts and talking with his buddies. After work, he would walk back home and smile to smell dinner in the oven, with his little woman curled up on the couch with her novel of the week.

Gabbing his bag, he growled as he slammed shut the office door and jammed his keys into the lock, sealing it for the night. That is exactly why he was pissed as hell to come back from the yard and find Une's message on his computer. Didn't that woman have a life? Christ, it wasn't enough that she insisted he be on the inactive list of Preventers, but now she was forcing him to go to a meeting that would, more then likely, lead to a long mission too? Reaching the outer gate, he viciously snapped the lock into place before beginning his journey home.

Once he turned the final corner, he smiled with pride when his and Hilde's home came into view. It was a very modest two story yellow house, with a little chimney the poked out the back side. In front, the yard was littered with hundred's of flowers, hybrids from Earth, made so they didn't require actual sunshine. To top it off, all of it was surrounded by a white picket fence. Beaming, he opened the gate and walked the narrow path to the oak front door. "Honey, I'm home!" he shouted jovialy, his deep voice resonating through out the house. "Duo, sweetie, what have I told you about screaming in the house?" a light, sweet voice entered his ears.

"Uh....don't do it?"

"You got that right!" she shouted, her frail little body heavy with his child making its way down the stairs. Duo faked a heavy gulp and pretended to look nervous. "Babe, you're not going to hurt me are you? You wouldn't hurt good ol' Duo....right?" he bit his lip in mock fear as Hilde smirked and stood at the bottom of the stairs. "No, I wouldn't want to leave my child fatherless...." she pondered before smiling at him. He let out a small bark of laughter and swept her up in a tender embrace. "How's Mama feelin' today?" he asked, kissing the top of her brow, loving the pale and smooth skin. Hilde frowned for a split second. "Mama's tired of feeling like she weighs the amount of small planet, that's how Mama feels." she remarked tiredly, leaving his warmness and waddling over to the kitchen. Duo looked after her for a moment, wondering it he should counter the weight remark or let her be. He knew women were always worried that they were fat, but to comment could lead to visible blood shed. However, not to comment could be construed as agreement. That would just not do.

"Babe, you know you're gorgeous no matter how you look. You're my Hilde." he joked, watching her from the doorway as she stirred a pot of marinara sauce. She paused before whipping around so fast, he thought she might have gotten whip lash. "So you think I'm fat?!!!! Is that why you haven't married me, because I'm too fucking fat to walk down the aisle?!!!" she screamed, waving the spoon of sauce around wildly, a fire in her light blue eyes. Duo almost took a step back. "Babe, we talked about this. We agreed to wait until the baby's older before getting married. Come here, why don't you sit down and I'll finish dinner, okay?" he pleaded, walking smoothly over to her and taking the spoon gently from her fist.

Hilde visably calmed down, but still was frowning when she sat at the tiny dinner table. "Aren't you afraid your fat girfriend will break this chair?" she muttered under her breath as she watched the braided man finish draining the pasta and begin to serve them linguini. Quickly serving her first, he sat down opposite of her and began to chow down. They ate in silence, and as she was sucking up the last noodle, Duo cleared his throat. Raising a delicate eyebrow, she gave him a look. "Yes, dear?" she asked sarcastically. He actually looked nervous, seriously this time, before answering her question.

"Well, you see, I got his message from Une today, well, more like an order really, to go down to Earth for some emergency meeting they're having next week....and I have to leave tomorrow."

He trailed off to wait for her reaction. She didn't look that mad, if you didn't count the odd red color tinting her face. "What the HELL do you mean you need to go to Earth?! How could you even CONCIEVE of leaving me all alone when this baby is about to pop right out of me at any second?! You can't leave me, I won't let you!" she yelled furiously, bloody murder in her eyes. Duo cringed his handsome face. Shit, he knew she would react like this, what, with her hormones all out of whack. "Hilde, babe, I gotta go. Earth could be in serious danger, and they'll probably need all the help they can get. I know you understand." he spoke calmly, but at the same time, begging her to let him go.

"No! I swear to fucking God Duo, you leave tomorrow and you might as well never come back! I can't be with a man who'll put a job before his family! I won't HAVE IT!" she cried, tears streaming down her pale face, her body shaking. Duo's mouth refused to work. "But, honey, it's not just a job....it's Earth that's at stake. You can't possibly expect me to turn my back when it need's help." he begged, his large indigo eyes passionatly pleading his case. Hilde bit her lip before more tears fled her eyes. "No, Duo, I can't live like that. Not knowing whether or not your going to come home or if your going to smell like pine! What about our baby, Duo, did you think for one second that if you take this mission/meeting, you may never see him or her?! You could die, Duo!" she screamed, storming odd into another part of the house, leaving him alone with the pile of dirty dishes. Sighing, he knew what he had to do.

The next morning, he watched as the artificial sun rose from it's slumber, casting it's hazy shine upon the residents of the colony. Grabbing a duffle bag, he shoved his belongings into it before tossing it over his shoulder. Turning, he saw Hilde shift in her sleep, a small frown marring her beautiful face. Closing his eyes and pursing his lips, he slowly walked out of their bedroom and out the door. He had to go to Earth, there was no question about it. He loved Hilde with all his heart, and it really hurt him bad when she had screamed those things last night. But, if she didn't want him to come back, he would walk away, forever in her memory. Shutting the front door, he took the house key off the ring of keys he carried, and left it in the mailbox. He was going to walk away, but god damn it, it hurt.

_She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette _

_She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget _

A week later, Duo climbed up the rickety steps of the cheap motel he insisted on staying in, instead of the Peacecraft Mansion, as Relena had offered all of them. Reaching the top, he made a right and unlocked the paisley green door to Room 13. The smell of cigerettes and whiskey greeted him, comforting him on some small level. He stared warily at the discreet brown bag that held a rather large bottle of Jack Daniels' Whiskey, taking comfort in its presence. Sighing, he stripped himself of his Preventer uniform and changed into his usual black garb. A flashing red light out of the corner of his dull violet eyes caught him. The tiny answering machine had a message waiting for him. At first, he dared to hope it was Hilde, asking him in that sweet alto voice of hers to come back to her and the baby. Of course, reality set in seconds later and realized it was probably Une. Grabbing the bottle of Jack Daniel's roughly, he took a long swig before pressing the play button.

"Duo."

The chesnut haired man blinked a few times before he realized it was Heero. Frowning, he plopped down in an ugly navy recliner, dust poofing out from the force. During the silence, he swung back another hit of whiskey.

"Relena just got a message from Hilde that she had the baby. It was a girl."

Violet was slowing becoming a blood shot red, Duo's eyes blinked scratchily. 'A girl, huh.' Another swig. 'I always wanted one.' Fumbling around in his pocket, he finally found a crumpled cigarette and his lighter. He nearly laughed at the irony. He had given up smoking when Hilde became pregnant. Now that he was away from the baby, he had fallen back into his pack a day habit. Letting the cigarette lie nestled in between his lips, he sucked in a deep breath.

"Duo, the baby didn't make it. She died two hours after. I'm sorry for your loss."

He let the still burning cigarette fall into his lap, not noticing the stinging sensation of the burn, nor the cool afterwards. His hand shaking, he brought the bottle to his lips again. 'The baby didn't make it. My baby didn't make it. She's dead. Jesus Christ.' he thought hazily, slumping into the recliner, letting the bottle hit the dirty floor with a loud crash. "I'm the fucking God of Death.....anyone who see's me goes to Hell...." he muttered before completly passing out.

"Hilde wanted Relena to ask you to come back to L2. She said she really needed you right now. Call her when you get this."

_We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time _

_But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind _

_Until the night _

Three days later, or, what he assumed was three days later, a loud knocking on the door drug him out of his self induced coma. "Duo, open the damn door." Heero commanded from the other side of the thin door. Duo glanced around and squinted at the bright light eminating from the window. Stumbling, he managed to up right himself from his slumped position of the floor to swaying on his feet. All around him there were empty bottles of Jack Daniels, cigarette butts, and dirty clothes. The knocking increased in volume before, finally, a loud kick forced the door open. The florecent light from behind Heero made it hard for Duo to decipher who was standing in the doorway. Frowning, he leered forward to get a closer look, nearly falling off his feet.

"God?"

Heero shook his head in disgust. He had expected his reluctant braided friend to be messed up, but this kind of behavior was worthy of rehab. Grabbing the drunken man by the shoulders, he hauled him over to the dingly little couch and tossed him down on it. "Heero, buddy! Let's celebrate! I'm a father!" Duo slurred, reaching blindly over to the table and grabbing another bottle of whiskey. Heero frowned at this. Deniel was one of the stages of grief, but he thought that Duo might be too drunk to realized that the baby died. It would most likely settle in later once the alcohol wore off. If it wore off....

"Figures the great God of Death would give birth to a corpse!"

"Duo, what the hell are you doing? This is pathetic, you sitting here completely shit faced while Hilde's at home alone in her grief. You are going to get your ass on a shuttle and see her." he told him, letting the monotone of his adolesence take over his voice box. Duo looked confused before taking a shot out of the bottle. "What do you mean? Hilde kicked me out! Told me that if I went to Earth, I shouldn't bother comin' back!" he slurred loudly, waving his arms in massive gesticulation.

Heero grabbed the bottle out of his friend's hand and threw it against the wall, glass flying everywhere. Duo stood up faster then a drunk man should be able to, and got ready to punch Heero. "What the hell did you do that for?!" he shouted angrily, swaying drunkenly on his feet. Heero easily fought off the minor attack and forced Duo back down. "Shut up and listen for once. She needs you. Don't let this be how she'll remember you. Clean yourself up, you look like shit." The prussian eyed man turned away and left the small room.

"Fuck you Yui!"

_He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger _

_And finally drank away her memory _

_Life is short but this time it was bigger _

_Than the strength he had to get up off his knees _

_We found him with his face down in the pillow _

_With a note that said I'll love her till I die_

Duo didn't hear a response and slammed the door shut in a fit of anger. 'Fuck Yui. What the hell does that mother fucker know? He wasn't there that night. He's never been in love....Not like me and Hilde.' he thought, stumbling over to his suitcase. He pulled out a pen and paper and wrote 'I'll love her till I die' furiously before throwing the pen down and reaching back into his suit case to pull out a piece of cold steel. The alcohol was still fuzzing his sight, but he knew what he needed to do. Just like the morning he left her, tonight, he would leave her again. Tripping as he turned to the bed, he was caught by surpise and tried to catch himself before he hit the pillows. A loud gunshot was the last thing he heard before coming into a world of black.

_And when we buried him beneath the willow _

_The angels sang a whiskey lullaby _

Hilde stared at the seemingly endless crack that went from the left corner of the white little hospital room, all the way past the tiny television, and right to were the doorway was. She blinked her light blue eyes. Someone was standing there, a familiar someone. "Hey Quatre. Long time no see. What's new?" she asked in a completly forced happiness, even in her medicated state. Her mid section was starting to grumble in anger, the morphine wearing off from her cesearian the few days before. Her pale lips trembled and she forced the thoughts of her dead baby girl out of her head and focused on the distraught blonde in front of her.

"Hilde....I...don't know how to tell you this....but..." his voice cracked a bit and he was trying to look anywhere but her. Her dark brows formed into a confused frown. Didn't he know that she knew her child was dead? The young man came closer, red blood shot eyes gazed in depression into her own cornfield eyes. "Quatre....my baby, I know she died." she said with slight anger, upset with herself that she had re-opened the hurt the cut her heart in two. Quatre gave a fustrated sigh before plopping down into the chair at her bedside.

"Hilde, I'm sorry about the baby....but that isn't why I'm here.....It's.....it's about Duo. He...."

The young woman flopped her head away from him to stare at the wall. "What does he want? He leaves me, misses the birth and death of his only child, then refuses to call me afterwards even though I asked him to. What else does he want to do to me?" she asked, her voice bitter and with self regret. She knew she had pushed him away, but damnit, it was one little argument. Not like she never wanted to see him again....

"No! Duo doesn't want anything! He can't possibly! He's dead, Hilde....he killed himself."

Her eyes went wider then she ever thought phisiologically possible. Clenching her tiny hands into a fist, she whipped around back to face him. "He's....dead? Killed himself?" she whispered, tears welling up in her crueline eyes, rolling down her cheek in hot torrents. Quatre clasped her hand with his bigger, more calloused ones and brought his forehead down to them. "Heero found him this morning at the motel, face down in the pillow. There was a note....I brought it for you." In one fluid motion, he reached into the pocket of his dark slacks and pulled out a crumpled white piece of scrap. Taking it into her shaking, cold hands, she slowly uncrumpled it and took in it's contents. She saw there were slight splotches of dark red sprinkled effortlessly across the paper.

"I'll love her till I die."

Whispering the note aloud, she clutched it bruisingly against her breast and let out a gut wrentching cry of pain and suffering. "God damnit!!!!!!!" she screamed, anger suddenly taking over. "Why!!!!Why both of them!!!!!Why!!!!!!!" she continued to cry, alerting nurses of her dispair as they crowded the doorway. Quatre waved them back as he pulled the sobbing woman into a bone crushing embrace. They stayed like that for hours, him rubbing her back in soothing motions as she cried and cried, never once relenting in those hours. He knew that this is something she would probably never get over. How can you even begin to rebuild your life after not only loosing your child, but days later, hearing you lost your lover to suicide. She was probably blaming herself, thinking that she pushed him into this, never even being able to tell him that she loved him, but parting in anger. Quatre closed his eyes. This was going to be her peronal war....her hell.

_La La La La La La La_

_La La La La La La La_

A few days later, Hilde found herself in a heavily vestal land that held the bodies of more than a half million people. To her right, Quatre held a strong arm around her frail shoulders, seemingly holding her together. Relena and Heero stood to her left, next to Wufei, Sally, Trowa, Catherine, and a few others she reocognized a some of Duo's employees. It was a beautiful day on the Earth, in the country of England were they were going to lay to rest Duo Maxwell, the one man who held her heart firmly in those cold, dead hands of his. Sniffling was the funeral music as the priest up front spoke a short sermon.

"Here were consecrate our brother Duo Maxwell to the ground, for as we once were, so we are again. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

She felt her knees nearly give out as the closed coffin began to sink into the six feet deep, freshly dug, grave. A slight wind blew the weeping branches of the willow that shaded them. Catherine came over to her and placed a comforting hand on her black clad shoulder. "Hilde, he was a good man. We're all sorry to see him go." she murmured into her ear, giving her a brief hug before retreating to her brother. Trowa gave her a small nod then led Catherine away to the car. Wufei and Sally both came over to her and murmured their condolences. Relena swept her into a long, tight hug before kissing her cheek. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. If you ever need me, don't hesitate to call." she told her, Heero taking her hand and taking her to their own vehicle. The rest of the crowd dispered, as if it was never there. Hilde snorted sardonically. She wished they really hadn't been there. Not her, not Duo, not anyone. If there really was a God, she would be a home right now, putting her daughter to sleep and Duo would come down those rickety stairs of their home, kissing her happily on the cheek. Her anger darkened blue eyes narrowed. That was supposed to be her life......Fate was a bitch.

_The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself_

_For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath _

It had been three years. Three long, lonely years with nothing but J.D. to keep her company. Oh, sure the others called from time to time, but they all had _real_ lives. Hell, Sally's expecting her first child that spring. Relena was planning her wedding to none other than Heero Yui, the man she had been in love with for the past four years. If Hilde had been in a better disposition, she actually could be happy for the blonde-haired sweetheart. It's not like she'll ever get married, not like she'll have any more kids. The only thing that kept her going was the knowledge that somewhere up there, Duo was looking down on her and was with her every step of the way. Smiling, she nodded her bottle of whiskey heaven ward before taking a long swig of the amber liquid.

A knock on the door threw her for a loop. Who would be at her door at this time of night? She quickly glanced over to the clock an squinted to make out the dancing numbers. It had to be sometime after midnight, at least. Getting up slowly from her couch, she made her way to the door before fumbling with the locks and finally, opening it. Oh!" she cried out in suprise as the sun blinded her temporarily. "Hilde?" a familiar voice asked, taking her by the elbow and leading her into the lving room. "Quatre?" she slurred, falling back onto the couch. Quatre sniffed the air briefly before wrinkling his nose. The whole room reeked of whiskey. "Sorry, didn't realize it was still daytime..." she mumbled, trying to breath down wind as not to alert her visitor to her previous activity.

"Whatcha doing here Quatre?" she asked slowly, trying to proccess her words before they left her mouth. The handsome youth set his mouth into a grim line. "I just wanted to see how you were. It's the anniversay of his death, I thought maybe you would like a trip down to Earth to visit." he said, pretending not to see several bottles of alcohol surrounding them. Hilde seemed to ponder this. "Sure, why the hell not." she grinned, clapping him on the back before getting up crookedly and stumbling to the door. "Hilde, getting drunk isn't the way to deal with your pain. Talking to us once in a while, might." he said sternly, taking her by the arm and leading her to the car. Hilde rolled her eyes. As if she could ever forget the pain.

_She finally drank her pain away a little at a time _

_But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind _

_Until the night _

Later that same evening, she sat alone in one of Quatre's mansions on Earth, in a beautiful guest room that over saw London's twinkling lights. Turning away from the window, she wondered over to the oak desk that sat adjacent to the door. Falling down into the matching chair, she flipped though the book atop the desk. Finally shutting it, she began to open drawers. Hilde sighed. She just needed to find something to do so she can keep her mind off of what she did earlier. She honestly hadn't visited Duo's grave since he was buried in it. She had always thought it would be too painful. Of course, she was right. Over the years, the willow tree had begun to sag, the tips of the branches carressing the top of the large tombstone. Slight weeds began to sprout up, outlining where the new dirt had been tossed so carelessly on top of the love of her life's body.

Tears began to sear her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Shutting the top drawer, she quickly opened the next one. A gasp of suprise caught in her throat. There, lying before her was a small hand pistol, still shining as if it had never been used. Tempting her......She shook herhead furiously. No, she couldn't do something like that, not like he had done.

Could she?

Biting the inside of her cheek, she shakily picked it up and tested the weight in her palms. Quatre must have forgotten to check his drawers before placing her in this room. It was older, probably there for the duration of the war. She expertly opened the chamber and held her breath as there were three of six bullets missing. Huh, it would be so easy to put that cool metal to her temple and pull the trigger....And if nothing happened, it would be just like playing Russian Roulete. Taking the gun, she fell back on the large white comforter on the king sized bed.

Taking out her wallet, she slowly took out her favorite picture, the one of Duo grinning at her with streaks of grease all over him and a wrench in hand. She smiled tenderly. That was so much like Duo, that lovable grease monkey. He always had a smile on his face, and in turn made her smile. Clutching the picture to her heart, she let out a sob. God only knows how much she missed him. Glancing at the pistol, she took a shakey breath and placed the small barrel to her right temple, pulling the trigger.

"Click."

Exhaling, she let out a small laugh. It was empty. She knew a sane person would claim that to be a sign that she was ment to live. She frowned. How could she even consider herself to be sane, after all she's been through? Testing her luck again, she opened the chamber and spun it rapidly. Once again, she placed it to her left temple and pulled, the picture still tightly held against her breast. She never did find out if it was a blank or not as she fell face down into the pillows.

_She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger_

_And finally drank away his memory_

_Life is short but this time it was bigger _

_Than the strength she had to get up off her knees _

Quatre awoke suddenly at the all too familiar sound of a gun shot piercing the peaceful night air. Without thinking, he ran out of his room in nothing but his boxers down the hall to where Hilde was staying, and knocked on the door. "Hilde, it's me, open the door." he asked, banging on the white door. Fear swept through him as there was no reply. Using his shoulder, he forced the door open and yelled at the sight before him. "Allah almighty....." he whispered as he rushed over to Hilde's body on the bed, a dark scarlett angrily seeping from her. "Oh Hilde." he cried, grabbing the gun from her slack grip and threw it against the wall in a fit of anger. "Damnit!!!!" he continued to yell as the servants crowded the doorway, some gasping in shock. "Call the hospital!" he ordered, his eyes blazing as he took her body into his lap and rocked back and forth, even as the medics came and pried her from him.

He watched with angry tears seeping down his face as one of the medics carefully placed a black sheet over her small frame. The other made a call to the local authorities and began to put away their equipment. He stood stotically still even when a short while later, London police came in to take pictures and ask him a few questions. He wordlessly followed them and they sat down in a different room, a small man sitting before him. "Now, Mr. Winner, would you say you knew Ms. Shebeiker well?" he asked in a incredibly low voice. The blonde raked his trembling hand through his hair and nodded.

_We found her with her face down in the pillow _

_Clinging to his picture for dear life _

The questions dragged on for what seemed like hours before Quatre was allowed to get up. "Oh, and one last question before you go." Closing his eyes in fustration he nodded in the affirmative. The inspector pulled out a small paper from his brest pocket and handed it to him. Quatre gasped slightly. It was a wallet sized picture of Duo, assumingly when he was at work shortly after the war ended. "Do you know who the man in the picture is?" the man asked, frowning at Quatre's reaction. "That is Duo Maxwell. He was her boyfriend." he croaked, handing te picture back to the man as if it burned him. The inspector raised an eyebrow. "_The _Duo Maxwell? One of the Gundum pilots from the war? That was her boyfriend?"

Quatre nodded once more before turning away to walk out of the room and away from the horror of that night. "Do you know where we could find Duo Maxwell, Mr. Winner?" the man asked before he was completly out of the room. Quatre gripped the door handle so hard, he heard a small crack letting him know he was about to break it. "You can find him in the west sector of Evenway Cemetary for the Glorious Dead. Underneath the willow tree." he gritted out before slamming the door behind him.

_We laid her next to him beneath the willow _

_While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby _

And so, there they stood again, exactly three year later, in the same exact spot, watching the same exact priest lay to rest yet another one of their good friends. Quatre had made all the arrangements, insisting that Hilde be burried next to Duo, even though she wasn't a soldier during the war, technically. It had been hard fighting all the press about both of their friends' deaths, even more so since Hilde had died in Quatre's home, but a few well placed threats by one Heero Yui had put an end to that business. Relena had put a hold on her wedding for a short time, telling them that she certainly didn't feel right getting married within the same year as her good friends' death. Sally and Wufei had travled from southern China to make their last goodbyes, even though the blonde woman was very heavy with child. Trowa and Catherine had come from L-3, taking an extended leave of absence from the circus to stay with Quatre.

"Here were consecrate our sister Hilde Shebeiker to the ground, for as we once were, so we are again. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

They all watched with saddened eyes as the pretty white coffin was lowed agonizingly slowly into the dark ditch. Never in the history of their lives had these two deaths hurt more then Duo's and Hilde's, because there was something all of them could have done to save them, even if it was from themselves.

_La la la la la la la_

_La la la la la la la_

_Fin_


End file.
